Commitments are scary. The fear hasn’t even begun to settle in yet, but as I write this, it begins to blossom in my stomach–a slight souring, a tightening, a twist.
Secret goals are protected things guarded in your heart that no one knows about. Failure to reach a secret goal is easier to bear than public goals, simply because you’re the only one who knows. The risk is minimized; there are no judgements, no outside scrutiny. You are your own jury, and you can make excuses for yourself if you allow it. But when you reveal that secret, when it goes public, published, disseminated to the internet…there’s no going back.
So here’s my stage. Cue spotlight. I’ve spoken to a few of you about this, but I thought it was time to declare it to the world as a whole.
I have a goal.
Before my shoulder surgery, as I was visiting my Physical Therapist, a couple of Orthopedists, Radiologists and spending both a ridiculous amount of time driving around to all these appointments, and a fair amount of money on MRI’s and visits to doctors, I thought to myself, why am I doing this? It’s annoying, frustrating, expensive, time consuming, not to mention scary. They’re giving me options of all the different ways they can cut me open to *hopefully* fix what’s going on inside my shoulder. There’s no guarantee, no sure cure. Did I really want to risk it?
I wanted a working shoulder. More than that, I wanted a *perfectly* working shoulder. I didn’t want to workout in half measures for the rest of my Crossfit career. I used to have a magnificent kipping pull-up, dammit, and I wanted it back. But could I really justify $36,000 worth of (mostly covered, thankfully) medical bills, 10 days out of work, a month in a sling, and hopefully no more than 4 months of absolutely no Crossfit, with intensely painful rehabilitation and physical therapy….just to have the *chance* of a perfectly working shoulder? All while JP Crossfit would be opening its doors for the first time?
My physical therapist, Kelly, bid me think hard about whether I wanted to put myself through all that, and at the time, it didn’t take me long to come up with the answer. YES. Because I want to compete. I have no illusions about winning the title “Fittest on Earth”, but Crossfit for me has always been about being the best version of myself. Whether that’s as a coach, as an athlete, as a teammate, or as a motivator. To give me my best chance at being the best version of myself, I needed that surgery.
I told myself, if I go through with this, and it works…I am going to go to Regionals. I will treat my rehab like a job. I am going to train harder (and safer) than I’ve ever trained. I’ll put my blood, sweat, tears, hopes, and dreams into this. No more half measures. No more excuses. I’ll never take my body for granted again.
For the past nine months I’ve held my breath. There was no way to tell when the surgery was finished, or even when the PT was done, whether I could return to previous strength and mobility levels. I restarted Crossfitting in February, and since then have met milestone after milestone, until I’ve finally started making Personal Records that have surpassed my old records made before my injury. I can now finally make the declaration that I am fully healed, and so the time is at hand to take everything to the next level.
So here it is. My goal is to compete in the NorthEast Regionals in 2015.
It’s going to take a lot to get me there. I’ll have to work harder than I ever have in my life. I’m going to have to stay dedicated. I’m going to have to EAT like I’ve never eaten before, to gain weight and strength. It’s going to take a HELL of a lot of mental fortitude. And that’s where I’d like your help.
I would like to state for the record that the members at my box are the most inspiring, amazing athletes I’ve ever seen. The strength, and effort, and COMMUNITY that come out of each and every one of you is astounding. The PRs you guys continually put up make me so proud, I don’t know what to do with myself. (I’ve been on the verge of tears a number of times recently…shhhh, don’t tell.) You are all my muse in this endeavor. So my request is this: Keep being awesome. Don’t stop, don’t settle, keep pushing for your goals, and if you achieve them, make new ones! Always reach higher, and you’ll never stop improving. I’m going to need help on this road I’m on. I’m going to need a little bit of pushing. Your perseverance will inspire mine, and together, we’ll make some waves in this little city of ours.
So…are you with me? Are you in?